As I sit here trying to find the perfect words to introduce my newest blog on mindfulness I’m again proving to myself how much I need to practice what I preach!
Quick overview of mindfulness…
Mindfulness is difficult to define, but generally it means to be intentionally aware in the moment with an attitude of humility to accept what is.
I was introduced to mindfulness-based therapy during my graduate studies in counseling and was immediately intrigued by the positive essence of the practice, I’m a huge fan of positive psychology, and of course the proven health benefits that result. Research shows that repeated practice of mindfulness can lower stress, anxiety, and even depression as well as increase the immune system, lower blood pressure, and improve sleep habits. As a counselor, I integrate Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), and other mindfulness-based therapies, such as Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), into sessions with several clients. Since becoming a birth doula, I’m in the process of developing a mindfulness support group for expecting moms because stress and anxiety don’t only affect mom but can have adverse outcomes for baby! More info on that coming soon:)
Why do need to be mindful…
I’ve recently started implementing mindfulness in my own life. So, why now? Maybe because of my age causing me to be more introspective or possibly because of my children’s ages. They are starting to ask for guidance through their own life experiences and challenges that require me to help guide and teach them in ways that hopefully will prepare them for life’s obstacles and learn to embrace and grow stronger through them rather than fear or be consumed by them. So, through my personal journey and trying to see life through my children’s eyes I had a revelation. Although I don’t suffer from severe anxiety, stress, or depression, I do suffer from an underlying detrimental yet common chronic issue that is often ignored, unrecognized, and even perpetuated by this busy world we live in. So, a year ago, my husband and I decided to jump on an opportunity to move, literally, across the world away from family, friends, and all things familiar. “It’s just another family adventure” I told my 4 young children as I truly believed it. So, off we went…trying not to look back! Now, anyone that knows me well would not be shocked by my enthusiasm. I love change and learning new things about myself and the world around me! This is not the issue, I’m wired this way. But this move has challenged me to look deeper or simply ask the question, are we ever truly content with life? Then it hit me, how can we be satisfied with the life we are living when the world keeps telling us:
“More is better!”
“The next adventure will bring the happiness you’re looking for!”
“You’ll be satisfied when you reach your goal!”
I personally have fell for these empty promises, but the more I do the more I’m not satisfied, and the more I’m not satisfied the more I try to do. It’s a vicious cycle that, to an onlooker, seems perfectly normal. However, doing and staying busy does not make life better or bring us peace. In contrast, the more doing equals more stress, anxiety, and depression. Can anyone relate? No matter the amount of solutions to problems we come up with, minutes spent worrying, accolades, stuff, or adventures we pursue that coveted place of contentment remains just out of reach. The chronic worrying and stressing about what needs to be done or how to fix the problems we encounter, or those of our loved ones, over time can negatively affect our mental and even physical well-being. These negative thoughts and emotions shut down the growth and learning centers of the brain and it kicks into survival mode. This mental shut down, in turn, produces physical symptoms related to stress and anxiety. The truth is that problems and obstacles are a real part of this busy life not just a temporary hiccup that needs to be fix or avoided in order to get back to reality. Therefore, the longer I look through the worldly perspective that fools me into thinking I will get “there” if I just do more or work a little harder, the further I fall. What often starts as self-judgement, frustration, avoidance or shame in not being able to do good enough or fix all the problems that keep popping up can turn into mental and physical health problems that are cause for concern. Frankly, problems can’t be avoided and nothing in this world will ever fully satisfy or bring peace as it keeps promising to. We need to be mindful of this.
Whoa, all seems hopeless when I write it out like this…but keep reading, there is hope:
“Mindfulness isn’t difficult. We just need to remember to do it.”
~Sharon Saltzberg
How to be mindful in a busy life…
Simply put, a shift in perspective is needed and I’ll tell you how mindfulness can help. If we can learn to accept, embrace, and check IN to this life without trying to fix/change it or just get through it we will be better equipped to live it. Here are 3 easy and practical steps to start transforming your perspective no matter how busy your life is. Hopefully they will help you as much as they are helping me see more clearly.
Step 1: Stop “doing” and start “being”.
To start this first step, focus on your faith, whatever that is to you. Believing we are all connected to something greater, and awareness of that encourages you to be grounded, or in other words, humble. This step helps you get out of your own head of judgement, impatience, frustration, etc. Stop trying to DO and just BE. You don’t need to be more because you are enough!
Step 2: Learn to feel more at home in your life and experiences.
By choosing to be mindful in the moment, you learn to embrace your thoughts and feelings, whether positive or negative, with an attitude of kindness. A kind attitude is non-judgmental, accepting, patient, loving. This type of attitude allows for balance between emotions and thoughts in order to better experience a sense of peace despite the uncertainty of life. Peace can be experienced when you choose to be still and look for it because it’s already within. Moreover, the upsetting people and circumstances you encounter can’t take away that peace unless you let them. Interestingly, I’m learning that being still and mindful does not necessarily mean sitting in a quiet room listening to your breath (although that is a wonderful way to experience inner peace), but, more informally, by noticing your thoughts and feelings when they arise in any given moment. This mindful practice allows you to clearly choose what you want to focus on. With mindful awareness, we can intentionally still our mind to experience the peace that is present within instead of just going through the motions until something big demands our attention. In this way, the trouble or fear of what was, is, or will happen or doubts and fears of inadequacy that often distract and dominate our thoughts in the present moment can be accepted and then quieted. Taking a shower is a good example of when and how to practice mindful and feeling at home in daily life experiences. Rather than be distracted with busy thoughts of what needs to be done later in the day, become aware of those thoughts then choose to focus on the relaxing feel of the warm water, the calming sound of it running over your body and down the drain, the fresh smell of soapy skin. Practicing mindfulness during these seemingly mundane experiences help us balance our thoughts and emotions by quieting the negativity or busyness so we can choose to focus on peace and gratefulness.
Step 3: Practice makes the path to mindfulness stronger.
I’m far from perfect at being still, but I am learning to be OK with being an imperfect work in progress. Fortunately, an intentional 10-15 minute daily practice of focus, balance, and compassion helps our mindful perspective grow stronger even through difficult times.
Bottom line: Practicing mindfulness does not solve all of life’s problems since, as I’ve alluded to, problems are constant in this world, but rather helps solve the problem of living in this busy life.
Quick Summary:
Life is busy, nothing we do changes that, and it can’t be fixed. However, with a mindful perspective, inner peace is possible by humbly choosing to focus on the present moment.
Three steps to transforming a worldly perspective into a mindful one:
1. Focus on being.
2. Choose a kind attitude to balance your emotions and thoughts to clearly focus on the present moment despite the circumstances.
3. Practice makes the path to mindfulness stronger, but never perfect, and that’s OK!